I am searching for something. I can’t remember what it is exactly other than that it’s something I’ve lost. Perhaps you might help me find it. You see I need it for something important, though I’m not sure exactly what.
I wonder, memory being like it is, if I ever actually had it. I feel I must have once, because I have memories of times that seem like I had it. Strange that I can’t remember where or how I lost it.
I think I had it very early in life, but the harder I try to remember the less I seem to conjure up. I’ve seen pictures that looked like I had it, but it might be that it’s different when you’re that age. Most thing’s tend to be.
When I was older I remember times I had it, but other memories seem like I didn’t. I’ve always been a forgetful sort, so maybe having lost it now isn’t quite that strange. There were a few times I had it, but more times I think I didn’t. I wish I coud be more helpful, but it’s all just so damn vague.
I remember I had it when I met my girlfriend, or maybe she gave it to me. Wouldn’t that just make it even worse? You probably think pretty poorly of me by now, I expect. I suppose it’s possible that I didn’t lose it, but instead someone stole or broke it. Now I think of it, my girlfriend’s broke. It was partly my fault it did, but I think it’s been fixed again.
I had it back then. I think. And I know I had it for a while. People would tell me nice things about it, and I was proud of it. It wasn’t the best, but it was mine. But somewhere along the line it changed, or maybe I did. My memories of it were different, at least. I can’t, for the life of me, remember why. I didn’t keep it with me as often, or it just got old and worn down, or I’m just not remembering things right. It’s so frustrating, like trying to recognise someone through heavy fog. One day I had it, one day it was different, and then it was gone or broken.
Something must have gone wrong, I recall a lot of people stopped having theirs around then. Could have been an issue with the manufacturers, not that I know who made them. That’d at least make it easier to get a new one if mine is gone for good. That’s saying nothing about the cost however. They say money won’t buy you happiness, but I’ll be damned if not having to think about money wouldn’t make me happier. Same’s probably true for you, I suspect.
You know, maybe I do still have it lying around somewhere. Talking it through with you, I think it did break for a while. But I think I remember having it again since then, different somehow but there. Perhaps it’s laying in draw somewhere filled with old hand-me-down and used phone cases. Something about that rings a bell. Yes, I think I’ll look again.
I hope I can find it, it’s going to be important soon. I’m sorry my description hasn’t been too clear or helpful, but you’ve helped just by listening it seems no-one else has the time to, and if you’ve any ideas that’s mighty fine.
A short, relatively pointless bit of writing. Been too sick and unhappy to want to want to continue the main story this past week. I’m not sure if anyone reads these, but if you do, thank you. I hope you found some enjoyment in my writing and Blood and Lies / Vicissitudes in the Dark Woods will be continuing, I promise.